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Saturday, October 18, 2014

Danette from Modesto, CA

I tried to reply, but the site was restricted. I asked the question about suicide binding...

I want to thank you for all your advice. You are right to presume that I have taken all the necessary steps possible to help my daughter. She has been seeing a therapist two times a week for the last six months. She has seen a psychiatrist in the past, and presently she is scheduled to see one twice a week along with her therapist three times a week. She is also on medication. With all this in mind, her father and I have recently become aware that she is a cutter. Here is the situation in a nutshell. She is 17, and her father and I have been separated for 10 years. I feel that she has not overcome the feelings of that time. At the time her father left, my mother passed away. So needless to say I was not there for her emotionally. I tried my best, but ended up in therapy for two years. Her father left the kids for about a year with no visitation. All she (seven years old) knew was one day we were a family and the next day we weren't. I have been trying my best to make things right in our relationship. She still feels a void with her father. She lives with him at the moment and has for the past three years. I lost my job three years ago and have not had a steady enough job to provide a home for us. I took her out to lunch yesterday and we talk for over three hours. The bottom line, as she put it, is that she hurt herself mainly to get a rise out of her father. She wants him desperately to pay attention to her. He has been deemed as having a narcissistic personality by my daughter's therapist. He has not gone with her to therapy at all. Not one session. My therapist told me I had to make a decision. "Accept him or walk away." There is no changing him if he doesn't even acknowledge his behavior. I hurt for my daughter. I know what she is going though in that aspect. But my hands are tied because he is her father. I have set up family therapy for her and I have asked him to come. My fingers are crossed that he will come. Again, that you so much for your advice... With blessings, thank you.


Dear Danette,

Thank you for giving us an update on your situation.

Honestly, it sounds like you should perform a spell to help you find a more stable job so your daughter can move back in with you.  Please take a look at our response to Anonymous from VA for some information on job hunting.

It also sounds like you are doing all the right things and at the end of the day that is what really matters. Keep doing what you are doing to help your daughter. I strongly recommend that you look into Reiki healing. You might even think about becoming a Reiki Master yourself... or hell... taking the classes with your daughter so both of you can be Reiki Masters.

Another suggestion I have is for you to speak with the counselor about a form of healing called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

EMDR is a comprehensive, integrative psychotherapy approach. It contains elements of many effective psychotherapies in structured protocols that are designed to maximize treatment effects. These include psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, interpersonal, experiential, and body-centered therapies. EMDR psychotherapy is an information processing therapy and uses an eight phase approach to address the experiential contributors of a wide range of pathologies. It attends to the past experiences that have set the groundwork for pathology, the current situations that trigger dysfunctional emotions, beliefs and sensations, and the positive experience needed to enhance future adaptive behaviors and mental health. [From the EMDR Institute]

As for your ex... there is no cure or treatment for narcissistic personalities. No amount of begging, pleading, bartering, blackmailing, etc. is going to change his mind if he decides not to go to family counseling. He's a selfish dick and I hope one day your daughter will understand that his failure as a father and a husband is HIS failure and not hers.